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Monday, June 14, 2010

Okay so now what?

The Ranch is gone.

That's the first time I've written that down. Can't say it's still hit me yet. It feel more like the ranch was on an island (think "The Island" from Lost). I now that I've left that island, I can never go back. It's still there, somewhere, but the journey back is now impossible.

So why not rebuild? Obviously, if it was that easy to type that question, it should be just as easy to build it back. We have your support, so why shouldn't we expect the county's support, the forrestry's support, building and safety's support, public works' support? According to them we have it. According to life, we don't.

The Ranch is gone. It wont be coming back.

That's the first time I've written that as well. It's true even if we don't want it to be. And, in fact, working towards "getting the ranch back" will only lead to heartbreak, and walletbreak, and eventually lifebreak. But The Ranch was just a place. A wonderful place to be sure, but a place nonetheless. I'm very happy to say that all those people who ever once were a part of the ranch are still here. They did not catch on fire.

So why then are there no more ranch commercials? No parties? I'm not sure. There's nothing I could write down that wouldn't read more like an excuse rather than an explanation. I'm really great at coming up with excuses. Like, really great. Heck, this entry is an excuse not to do work right this very second. But the reality is, there's no reason we can't do these things. We did. We can. We will.

Out of sight out of mind isn't just a clever phrase. I don't go up there that often, because all that awaits me are endless fruitless tasks, bills, frustration, heartache, broken glass, and nails. Things I don't want to deal with. Things that no one will help me deal with. Things that wont help anything. There is no rebuild goal, because we cannot feasibly rebuild.

But the intangible camaraderie, creativity, competition, inspiration, love, perspiration, motivation is still around. Scattered across the four corners like so much stardust (or dragon balls).

I found myself missing those things today. I found my cheeks wet when I reached up to touch them. I found myself wandering through the internet forrest and onto youtube. I found myself watching some old ranch commercials. I found myself smiling. But man is the picture quality shitty. Sorry, youtube, but it is. So I found myself wandering over to vimeo and searching my brain cabinets for a username and password. Vimeo reminded me why I don't use vimeo. Without a premium account (read: $60 a year) I could only upload 500mb of video a month. That's it??

But wait, do I make over 500mb worth of videos every month? Do I make any videos a month? No, actually. So why not eat my porridge before asking for more? What kind of greedy asshole am I? Speaking of excuses, why not use the Vimeo monster as an excuse to make awesome happen? 500mb a month? You got it! That's 7 minutes of video a month. Can't we do that?

I love you guys. I love you so much that I bought 6 houses, 4 acres, tens of thousands of dollars of equipment, all so we could make magic together. And we did. And we were happy. I love you guys so much, I don't just see a future making movies. I see a future making movies with you, together. I don't want to do it without you.

7 minutes a month. That's it. That's all I want right now. 7 minutes. I want this love back, more than any houses, more than any land, more than any parties, I want 7 minutes a month. Don't you? Can't we do that? Is there any reason we shouldn't? I'm not talking about 7 minutes towards our future, or 7 minutes for our resum├ęs. 7 minutes for the love I feel for you, for the love we feel for each other. 7 minutes of video to make my heart explode and the tears stream down my face.

How does that sound to you?

Monday, April 27, 2009

Who left this blog sitting here?

Boy, it sure has been a long time since anybody wrote anything here on the ranch blog. Looks like we only ever use it when there's a party coming soon. We should try to break that habit. But in the mean time, there is a party coming up on May 2 2009! Our first to be co-sponsored by the clubhouse kids (That's Timmy B's, Kelly the belly, and the Hagfish), who are responsible for the best Hollywood parties of '08. Which means more booze, more decadence, more fun up here at the ranch. Tedd Boffo is responsible for making another music marathon happen (unless the cops show up, then it's Kevbo's responsibility). Thanks to all the bands who offered to play, and we're sorry we weren't able to fit all of you in. The cops like to shut us down after three or so bands, so we're trying to keep it to four bands and a DJ (DJ RQD2 to be precise). But I'm sure we'll do it again (if Tedd has anything to say about it) and we'll try to switch up the bands next time. The dome's open for business after a year plus hiatus as a sound stage for the amazing mountain man show that we're finishing up mere days before the party. We're thinking of a tropical Hawaiian themed dome this time around, where kids can lounge and bask in the sun long after night falls, listening to the waves crash along the shoreline. Or, if you're interested in clubbing it, head over to the loft (Unit E), recently vacated to make way for a dancestravaganza of unbridled proportions. The party lasts all day (and all night). Badminton will make a comeback, water balloons may be lurking around every corner. Pool has be refurbished (cleaned). Barbecues will be firing, and the bands start up at 4PM, with the last band (Our very own Widows) will be on at 7PM. The DJs open up at 9PM in the loft. Bring camping gears to spend the night. There's going to be more space than ever with the vacant dome and loft for people to sleep over so make it happen. Maybe you can even get in on the secret breakfast that happens the morning after every ranch party (i'll bet you never know about that, huh?) Okay, that all the selling I can do for now. Suggestions?

- Kevbo

Friday, September 19, 2008

Ranchminton Challenger Bracket!

Well, there she is... the bracket that determines your fate. Breathe it in... Sex it up a little, if you think it'll help. Noon is when the games start, but no player will be penalized for tardiness until one o'clock (penalty includes expulsion from tournament, so please don't be late!). 

Here's the early word from Vegas on Conference favorites:
In the Sparkle Conference: 
Justin "Le Coq" Lomery is the statistical leader, but word has it, Zach, "The Ringer" Tewalthomas is where the smart money is.
In the Sizzle Conference:
Jake "Let Me Be" Blunt was the favorite until he was sidelined by a crippling VD.  The new favorite is John "Pit" Astor, who is the only player in the tournament who owns his own racket.
In the Glitter Conference:
Stefan "The New Guy" Portay is the out and out favorite.
In the Glow Conference:
Mike "Mountain Man" Miller is the odds on favorite, but finished the regular season with 5 straight losses. Current betting lines are shifting toward Matt "Laser" Kenney.

Bring beer, food & a bathing suit. Perhaps a change of clothes?
Ranch Olympics... It's on...

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Ranchminton Update

Be afraid... Be very afraid... Ranchminton is coming...

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

New Ranchminton Challenger Commercial!

Hello, kind folks. Sign ups are reaching their deadline. WE NEED YOU TO SIGN UP NOW OR FOREVER HOLD YOUR PEACE!
Email:    or

For a higher Quality version of the following commercial, please find yourself at:

Friday, September 12, 2008

Ranchminton Commercial!

For a higher quality version of the following commercial, go here:

There is a very special daytime Ranch party coming at you! September 20th we will be rocking out to the usual high quality rock and roll. However, before the music starts, the bleeding begins. Ranchminton Tournament September 20th. To be included, contact Andy ( or
Start time will be somewhere between noon and 2pm. Check back here for updates and more commercials. 
In the meantime, watch this commercial to meet one of the challengers!

Thursday, September 11, 2008





Tuesday, September 9, 2008


THE 27TH ANNUAL RANCHLYMPICS ARE UPON YOU!!! So start your cross training for these grueling events:

- DRIVEWAY DASH (who will get to the top alive?)
- HOLD YOUR BREATH (but please don't pass out...)


Monday, September 8, 2008

Ranchminton Tournament

Think you can compete with Real Rancheros in a tournament of the ages? 
We will be having a Ranchminton Tournament at our next party (September 20th, 2008) and we want YOU to be a part of it. 
To sign up, email: or
Depending on number of challengers, we will start the games somewhere between Noon and 2:30pm. 
Updates to come...