That's the first time I've written that down. Can't say it's still hit me yet. It feel more like the ranch was on an island (think "The Island" from Lost). I now that I've left that island, I can never go back. It's still there, somewhere, but the journey back is now impossible.
So why not rebuild? Obviously, if it was that easy to type that question, it should be just as easy to build it back. We have your support, so why shouldn't we expect the county's support, the forrestry's support, building and safety's support, public works' support? According to them we have it. According to life, we don't.
The Ranch is gone. It wont be coming back.
That's the first time I've written that as well. It's true even if we don't want it to be. And, in fact, working towards "getting the ranch back" will only lead to heartbreak, and walletbreak, and eventually lifebreak. But The Ranch was just a place. A wonderful place to be sure, but a place nonetheless. I'm very happy to say that all those people who ever once were a part of the ranch are still here. They did not catch on fire.
So why then are there no more ranch commercials? No parties? I'm not sure. There's nothing I could write down that wouldn't read more like an excuse rather than an explanation. I'm really great at coming up with excuses. Like, really great. Heck, this entry is an excuse not to do work right this very second. But the reality is, there's no reason we can't do these things. We did. We can. We will.
Out of sight out of mind isn't just a clever phrase. I don't go up there that often, because all that awaits me are endless fruitless tasks, bills, frustration, heartache, broken glass, and nails. Things I don't want to deal with. Things that no one will help me deal with. Things that wont help anything. There is no rebuild goal, because we cannot feasibly rebuild.
But the intangible camaraderie, creativity, competition, inspiration, love, perspiration, motivation is still around. Scattered across the four corners like so much stardust (or dragon balls).
I found myself missing those things today. I found my cheeks wet when I reached up to touch them. I found myself wandering through the internet forrest and onto youtube. I found myself watching some old ranch commercials. I found myself smiling. But man is the picture quality shitty. Sorry, youtube, but it is. So I found myself wandering over to vimeo and searching my brain cabinets for a username and password. Vimeo reminded me why I don't use vimeo. Without a premium account (read: $60 a year) I could only upload 500mb of video a month. That's it??
But wait, do I make over 500mb worth of videos every month? Do I make any videos a month? No, actually. So why not eat my porridge before asking for more? What kind of greedy asshole am I? Speaking of excuses, why not use the Vimeo monster as an excuse to make awesome happen? 500mb a month? You got it! That's 7 minutes of video a month. Can't we do that?
I love you guys. I love you so much that I bought 6 houses, 4 acres, tens of thousands of dollars of equipment, all so we could make magic together. And we did. And we were happy. I love you guys so much, I don't just see a future making movies. I see a future making movies with you, together. I don't want to do it without you.
7 minutes a month. That's it. That's all I want right now. 7 minutes. I want this love back, more than any houses, more than any land, more than any parties, I want 7 minutes a month. Don't you? Can't we do that? Is there any reason we shouldn't? I'm not talking about 7 minutes towards our future, or 7 minutes for our resumés. 7 minutes for the love I feel for you, for the love we feel for each other. 7 minutes of video to make my heart explode and the tears stream down my face.
How does that sound to you?